Frequently Asked Questions
Version 1.2
Awknowledgements
Frequently asked questions and answers come from a variety of sources,
including the Boston gay lesbian bisexual Speaker`s Bureau manual, and
Pink Triangle Services Ottawa gayline and speaker`s bureau kit.
Definitions
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What is homosexuality and bisexuality?
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A "homosexual" is someone who is emotionally and sexually
attracted or committed to a member of the same sex. A "bisexual" is
someone who feels attractions for members of both sexes, not
necessarily at the same time.
Feelings define a person's sexual identity, not behaviour.
For example, same-sex behaviour in prison might not necessarily
indicate that the people involved are "gay' or "lesbian.' Nor does the
fact that a person has never made love with another person of the same
sex necessarily mean that the person is not lesbian or gay. Many gay
and lesbian youth recognize their sexual identity years before they
ever have sex with anyone. And some adults, including religious
clergy, choose to remain celibate, even though they accept a gay or
lesbian identity. The same is true in the case of bisexuality: people
may identify themselves as bi whether or not they have actually had
sex with persons of both sexes.
There are also cultures where the definition of what it means
to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual differs. In some areas, a man who has
sex with another man is not considered gay or bisexual simply because
he has sex with another man, but only when he is the receptive
(passive) partner.
Many , fearing their own feelings, past behaviour, or
tendencies, want a very clear definition of homosexuality and
bisexuality, preferably one that excludes them. You might point out
that you understand that the issues of homosexuality and morality
cause anxiety. One of the goals is to voice these anxieties, and to
point out that being gay, lesbian, or bi is not always frightening or
uncomfortable.
It may be helpful to note that we gay, lesbian, and bisexual
people are like our heterosexual counterparts in more ways than we are
unlike them. Some may want to distance themselves from you, viewing
you as an entirely alien and incomprehensible being. If you can
encourage people to appreciate similarities as well as differences,
you may begin to close this distance.
Where do the words "gay' and "lesbian' come from?
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Many gay men and lesbians reject the label "homosexual"
because it is a term that was Imposed by clinicians the nineteenth
century, rather than one of our own choosing. In addition, the word
"homosexual" primarily emphasizes sexual activity, encouraging the
popular belief that this orientation or identity is only about sex.
Therefore "gay' (for men) and 'lesbian" (for women) are the terms
Daily used in preference to 'homosexual "
The term "gay' has a long history of use, which some scholars
link to European troubadours in medieval times. The term "lesbian'
recalls Sappho, a woman who lived in ancient times on the Greek island
of Lesbos and wrote poetry addressed to other women.
Naming ourselves is an essential step toward freedom. "Gay'"
"lesbian," and "bisexual" are ways of labelling ourselves as
multi-dimensional, fully loving human beings. More recently, the
historically pejorative term 'queer' has been used by some activists
as an inclusive term for gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals. Activists
hope to reclaim this word as a symbol of pride in being different, and
by doing so to divest the term of its hateful connotations Others in
our community find the word so full of such connotations that they
cannot use it without pain.
What causes homosexuality and bisexuality?
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This question comes up quite frequently and is probably one
of the most difficult to answer. Currently, no reasonable and valid
theory explains the development of sexual orientation. The theories
that have been put forth are inconsistent and contradictory.
Sexuality, broadly speaking is most likely determined through a
combination of biology and environment. But the important thing is
that gay, lesbian, and bi people are here, we have been here for a
long time, and we are not going away.
You may want to turn the question back to people and ask,
"What causes heterosexuality?" This usually gets a nervous laugh. Our
culture the belief that heterosexuality is the "normal mode of
development for everyone, and therefore anyone who is not heterosexual
must be "abnormal."
Perhaps the most dangerous consequence of this view of human
diversity is that it encourages us to try to make the abnormal into
the normal. If being gay, lesbian or bisexual is abnormal, then
surely we ought to try to find ways of preventing such abnormality?
This perspective, which views minority sexual orientation as something
to "cure," is particularly frightening to many gay men, lesbians, and
bisexuals.
Another notable consequence of our society's narrow view of
human diversity is that difference is posed in terms of hierarchy:
heterosexuality is seen as 'better' than homosexuality or bisexuality.
Minorities in our society are often called upon to defend and explain
their difference.
The analogy between being gay, lesbian, or bisexual and being
lefthanded is a strong one. One in ten people is thought to be
left-handed; as recently as fifty years ago, children had their left
hands tied behind their back to encourage right-handedness; the Bible
has condemnations against left-handed people, the word 'sinister"
comes from the Latin for 'left. Nowadays we no longer view
left-handedness as evil. We do not ask what causes left-handedness?"
in an effort to stamp it out. Instead, we wonder "How should we
recognize and accommodate this particular minority among us?" Perhaps
we can begin to ask the same questions about sexual minorities.
Rather than trying to answer the question 'what causes
homosexuality and bisexuality, and how can we stop it?' perhaps we
should ask `what causes homophobia and bi-phobia, and how can we stop
it?" When we can answer the questions, the other questions may seem
irrelevant.
Is homosexuality or bisexuality a choice or an orientation?
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The issue of whether sexual identity is a chosen or a fixed
aspect of our lives underlies many people`s questions and assumptions.
At its most blunt, this issue may surface in the form of a question
like this:
Was it your biology or your upbringing?'
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The 'nature versus nurture dichotomy ('I was born that way" versus "I
was made that way) is a problematic one, and each interpretation alone
has failings. The "nature' theory implies that there is some defect
in one's hormonal or genetic constitution, which might someday be
cured. The 'nurture' theory implies that something went wrong in the
family, an interpretation that has caused many parents of gay men,
lesbians, and bisexuals untold amounts of anxiety and guilt.
For some, sexual identity is arrived at after a conscious and
careful decision, a choice. They may prefer the term 'sexual
preference.' For others, sexual identity is something they have felt
strongly ever since they can remember, and the only choice involved is
the choice to openly acknowledge that identity. Such people may
prefer the term "sexual orientation."
Bisexual people interpret their sexual identities in
different ways as well. For some, bisexuality can be a stage of
transition from exclusive heterosexuality to homosexuality (or vice
versa) as newly uncovered feelings begin to emerge. For others,
bisexuality represents a genuinely equal attraction to both sexes or
attraction to both with a preference of one over the other.
Whether differences in sexual identity are innate (like
racial differences) or chosen (like religious differences), we should
respect and value them just as we try to respect and value other forms
of difference in our society.
How prevalent is homosexuality and bisexuality?
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There is a high probability that people already knows or will
encounter gay, lesbian, and bisexual people either in their own
families or among friends. About ten percent of the population. There
is no way for you to know who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual by looking.
In the 1940s and 1950s, however, Dr. Kinsey and his associates
conducted two studies on the sexual attitudes and behaviours of
people in the United States, the first about men and the second about
women. These studies revealed a much greater incidence of homosexual
behaviour than had been previously acknowledged.
Kinsey developed a seven-point scale based on the degree of
sexual responsiveness people have to members of the same and the other
sex. These categories are based on both biological reactions and
overt experience, not on sexual identity:
exclusively heterosexual
predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
equally heterosexual and homosexual
predominantly homosexual but more than incidentally heterosexual
predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
exclusively homosexual
The Kinsey reports indicated that it is necessary to consider a
variety of activities in assessing an individuals ranking on the
scale, including fantasies, dreams, thoughts, frequency of sexual
activity, and emotional feelings.
Of the over 12,000 men interviewed, 37 percent had some overt
homosexual experience to orgasm between adolescence and old age, 25
percent had more than incidental homosexual experiences for at
least three years, while 4 percent were exclusively homo in sexual
behaviour throughout adulthood. Of the 8,000 women interviewed, 28
percent acknowledged having had erotic responses to other women, 13
percent had experienced orgasm with another woman, and 19 percent had
some sexual contact with other women by the age of forty.
Kinsey countered the myth that homosexual behaviour was an
unusual and isolated phenomenon. He reported that the incidence of
persons with homosexual histories was virtually identical in every
geographic region of the country: large cities, rural communities, and
farms. People with these histories were found among every occupation,
socio-economic class, racial and age group.
Is homosexuality and bisexuality natural? Is it normal?
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Statistically speaking same-sex behaviour is indeed not the
'norm," but this is rarely the sense in which 'normal' is employed.
In asking these questions, people are really wondering if
homosexuality and bisexuality is moral. "Morality and "wrongness" are
often the issues being raised here, not the nature or normalcy of
homosexuality and bisexuality.
It is important to consider the value judgements that society
attaches to concepts such as "natural' and 'normal." Each culture or
society throughout the world defines what is 'natural' or 'normal' to
fit its own context, and these definitions differ. In many
contemporary Western cultures, many people do not consider
homosexuality and bisexuality to be normal.
Historically, however, homosexuality and bisexual behaviour
has existed since the earliest of human societies, throughout the ages
to the present day. It has been part of every culture, socio-economic
class, educational level, and race. Anthropologists Ford and Beach
surveyed 76 societies outside of the West and found that in 64
percent, "homosexual activity is considered normal and socially
acceptable. Critics of homosexuality and bisexuality maintain that
same sex sexual behaviour is "unnatural," that such behaviour is
absent in non-human animal species. Defenders of homosexuality, on the
other hand, argue that such behaviour has been observed in the wild in
higher mammal species and other animal species, so it is in fact
'natural.' Others maintain that what non-human animals do is
irrelevant when evaluating human behaviour.
Often it is said that homosexual behaviour is not "natural"
because the purpose of sex is reproduction. However, most heterosexual
encounters are not intended to produce children. Non-procreative
sexual behaviour also occurs widely among nonhuman species. Should we
say then that nonprocreative sexual behaviour is unnatural?
For many people, whether a sexual relationship is moral may
be considered an independent question from the sex of the partners
that make up the couple. Gay or straight relationships may be
responsible or irresponsible, moral or immoral.
For the millions of lesbians and gay men and more millions of
bisexuals homosexuality and bisexuality is a normal, natural, and
moral way of life.
As we see from the example of left-handedness, what may be
normal or natural for one person may not be normal or natural for
another. For a person who is homosexually oriented, it would be
abnormal and unnatural to engage in heterosexual behaviour.
Can you change?
****************
Often implicit in this question is the notion that being
lesbian, gay, or bisexual is second best, and that, given the choice
to become heterosexual, we would. The question also indicates a
simplistic view of the development of sexual identity. Changing one's
sexuality is not a matter of waking up one morning and resolving to
change. You can change your sexual behaviour (sometimes), but usually
not your sexual orientation. Since feelings ultimately define us as
gay, lesbian, bisexual, or heterosexual, asking us to change implies
that we are right to hate our feelings and to hate ourselves. This is
a refined form of oppression.
Many people assume that being lesbian, gay, or bisexual is a
choice. These people might think it is just a 'stage or a 'vice or a
'sin' and want us to 'switch back.' In response, it is so helpful to
ask why someone would choose to be gay, lesbian, and bisexual in our
oppressive culture. Many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people don't see
their identity as a choice at all, but as an orientation which is
simply different, and not bad.
Have you ever been attracted to a member of the other sex?
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Sometimes people pose this question because they are simply
curious to know if you 'flirt' with the idea of having a different
sexual orientation, in much the same way that they might 'flirt" with
a homosexual fantasy. Other times, though, people pose this question
because they hope that one day you might grow out of your current
'fascination' with people of the same sex.
When answering this, it is generally a good idea to
distinguish the different types of 'attraction' one person might feel
toward another. Some people might presume that because you are
lesbian or gay, you hate members of the other sex. Point out that
most lesbian and gay people have friends of the other sex.
Many lesbian and gay people have had sexual relationships
with members of the other sex. Some were satisfying some were not.
If you are bisexual, you may wish to discuss the nature of your
attractions for each sex.
There might be a myth lurking beneath this question, that a
gay or lesbian person is a failed heterosexual:
"A person who has never had a relationship with someone of the other
sex will naturally turn to others of the same sex as love partners.'
You might suggest that one reason someone might not have a
relationship with someone of the other sex is that he or she has
stronger feelings for someone of the same sex.
It is important to emphasize that gays and lesbians are
attracted to members of their own sex, not repulsed from members of
the other sex. This is a positive attraction, not a negative
reaction. We are lesbian and gay because our strongest sexual,
emotional, and love bonds are with members of our own sex.
Is everyone basically bisexual?
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For some people, bisexuality represents a varying or equal
attraction to members of both sexes. For others, bisexuality defines
a period of transition-those who have seen themselves as heterosexual
and are newly discovering gay or lesbian feelings (or vice versa).
Bisexual people have formed support groups and political organizations
and are a vital part of a larger movement for progressive social
change.
The Kinsey scale posits that sexual behaviour and attraction
fit somewhere along a continuum from exclusive heterosexuality to
exclusive homosexuality, and that sexual behaviour can change. Some
people are comfortable with the assertion that everyone is basically
bisexual, that everyone 'fits' somewhere on the continuum. Others,
especially those at the ends of the continuum, may feel that their
feelings and experiences (of "exclusive' heterosexuality or
homosexuality) are not recognized by such an assertion.
Perhaps we must be flexible in our statements. Establishing
a new criterion or standard, such as 'all people are bisexual,' might
be just as oppressive as the old standard that 'all people are
heterosexual ." For us all to be liberated, we must get away from the
notion that we must all fit into a single standard form of sexual
identity.
Stereotypes
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I've never met a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person before.
You might not have met a person who told you directly that he or she
is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. It is helpful to point out that many of
us can "pass" as heterosexual, that many of us are "invisible and that
is a problem because it strengthens the already prevalent heterosexual
bias in the culture.
Many people do not consider the possibility that someone
they love is gay, lesbian, or bisexual because they presume everyone
is heterosexual.
You don`t fit the stereotype.
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Sometimes this is intended as a compliment, but usually it
comes from someone uncomfortable in general with gay, lesbian, and
bisexual people, someone who is surprised and confused by seeing a
person is not as previously imagined.
The statement has the effect of setting up a "good queer-bad
queer' dichotomy that pits segments of our community against each
other. It may be an on of approval that you do not "flaunt' your
difference.
The more easily recognizable "queens" were the first to fight
back in our liberation movement, at the 1969 riots at the Stonewall
Inn in New York City.
Why do you need to tell people you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
**************************************************************
Unlike some minorities, gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals can be
inviable if they choose to. This invisibility reinforces the
assumption that everyone is heterosexual. In order to fight this
invisible, many people feel it is important to be openly gay, lesbian,
or bisexual, even to people outside the circle of fancily and friends.
If we remain silent about our sexual orientation, or lie about it,
then people may continue in heterosexist assumptions. Other members of
invisible minorities also strive to increase their visibility.
Religious minorities, for example, may render others of their
religious difference, especially at holidays, when Christian beliefs
seem privileged. Disabled people often have to assert their existence
in order for others to accommodate their special needs, which may
not be immediately apparent. Being openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual
reminds people about human diversity, and challenges all of us to
respond to that diversity with respect.
Why do you have to "flaunt' your homosexuality or bisexuality?
**************************************************************
Some people believe that any public expression of same sex affection
is a way of "flaunting' our sexuality. You may want to ask what the
questioner means by 'flaunting.' Whatever the response, ask the
audience if heterosexual couples have ever been observed -doing these
things in public. The answer is usually 'yes." However, when
heterosexual couples do so, it is not usually considered
"flaunting heterosexuality.' How would they feel if they could never
hold hands or kiss in public, never acknowledge being involved in a
relationship, or never have the legal right to marry. Would they be
willing to give up these ways of expressing their happiness?
Most heterosexuals take these rights for granted. They do not see it
as 'flaunting' their heterosexuality. Many gay men, lesbians, and
bisexual resent the fact that they are not afforded equity in all
areas.
How can you tell if someone's gay, lesbian, or bisexual?
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Gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals are as varied in their style
of dress, mannerisms, and interests as their heterosexual
counterparts. You usually cannot tell if someone is gay, lesbian, or
bisexual just by looking. (Sometimes this question is an expression of
curiosity about what gay people find attractive. More often, though,
it is about physical stereotypes.) Some gay men, lesbians, or
bisexuals dress or act in stereotypical ways on purpose. They may do
this so that others will recognize their sexual orientation. Thus,
stereotypes can be exploited knowingly to communicate nonverbally to
others.
At the same time, there are many people who define themselves
as heterosexual but who are viewed by others as gay or lesbian, simply
because of their dress or mannerisms. This is particularly true with
respect to transvestites. The vast majority of men who wear "women's"
clothes define themselves as heterosexual. It is perhaps more obvious
that the vast majority of women who wear "men`s' clothes are not
making a statement about their sexual orientation.
The stereotype of the "swishy faggot" and the 'motorcycle
dyke' are just stereotypes. This means that there are some lesbians
who dress in clothes considered "masculine and appear to be
very tough and threatening to the heterosexual community, and there
are some gay men with very effeminate" mannerisms who appear to be
mimicking women. Society seems to focus on these aspects of the gay
and lesbian community as representative of all members of these
communities.
Most gay, lesbian, and bisexual people do not fit these
stereotypes. Those who do exploit stereotypes should be recognized
and supported for their courage in challenging the rigid sex
roles and definitions of masculinity and feminity, which constrict
everyone. In many ways, life would be a lot easier for them if they
chose to 'pass' as straight.
We are all given the message that we are not supposed to act
counter to our assigned gender role. Anyone who strays from assigned
gender roles may be herded back into conformity by the fact of being
labeled "queer,' 'faggot,' "lesbo" and so forth. Gay, lesbian, and
bisexual people are often embarrassed by the extremes in our own
communities and some try to disassociate themselves from the "queens'
and the "bull dykes.' In reality, none of us will truly attain
liberation and freedom of expression unless we all do.
Do homosexuals and bisexuals molest children?
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One fear that many people express is that homosexuals molest
young children. The singer Anita Bryant, in her Florida campaign in
the late 1970s to prevent gay, lesbian, and bisexual people from
teaching in the schools, exploited this fear to win voters over to her
side.
We so read reports of "homosexual child molesting." We never
read reports labeling `homosexual child molesting' as such, although
studies consistently show that most child sexual abuse is by older
heterosexual relatives and most often involves men who abuse young girls.
One study, for example, reported that 88 % of the victims were women,
while the vast majority of the abusers are male. Other evidence supports
the conclusion that 92 percent of all child abuse cases
are heterosexual. Further, another study notes that a review of
available evidence 'provides no basis for associating child
molestation with homosexual behavior."
According to the Gay Teacher's Caucus of New York, while
there are many complaints on file about male teachers making sexual
-advances to female students, there have been very few complaints
about teachers making advances to students of the same sex. And
women, including lesbians, almost never sexually molest children.
This stereotype reflects the unfounded attitude that gay,
lesbian, and bisexual people have uncontrollable sexual drives.
Homosexuality and bisexuality are not synonymous with sexual
obsession or lack of control, and most gay, lesbian, and bisexual
people prefer to seek sexual connections that bring equality and
mutual support.
Some men do have sex with minors. 'the topic of
"intergenerational sex" is highly controversial, and it is an issue
that is not exclusive to gay, lesbian, and communities. Controversy
arises because of differences of opinion on whether a minor can
meaningfully be considered mature enough to consent to sex.
The media have in the past given a lot of publicity to the
North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) and almost always
describes that group's function as encouraging child molestation.
NAMBLA's main purpose is support and to raise the issue for public
debate, not sex, and most certainly not rape.
Although the data are sparse, the evidence suggests that many
of the men who victimize young boys do not identify themselves as gay.
In fact, many abusers of boys appear to be heterosexual and to have
had lengthy heterosexual histories. Others are exclusive pedophiles
who have no interest at all in adult partners and do not consider
themselves gay.
Don't lesbians hate men? Don`t gay men hate women?
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This question is loaded with powerful stereotypes about lesbians and
gay men: that we have chosen homosexuality in rejection of
heterosexuality; that being gay or lesbian necessarily means
withdrawal from half of the population, that the lesbian and gay
experience is so alien to the rest of society that there is no point
of connection between lesbian and gay people and anyone else.
Many people assume that we are gay or lesbian because of a
bad experience with a member of the other sex, or that we are bisexual
because we are simply confused, and with a little bit of
counseling or if we meet the right person of the other sex, we can
'straighten" out once and for all. If every person became lesbian,
gay, or bisexual simply because of a bad or sad heterosexual
experience, there would be many more of us.
There are gay and lesbian people who choose to direct their
energies to and focus on gay or lesbian members of their own sex. But
it is also common for gay men and heterosexual women to form very
close emotional ties, free of sexual tension. However, the main point
here again is that gay men and lesbians are attracted to members of
their own sex, not repulsed from members of the other sex.
Do gay men want to be women? Do lesbians want to be men?
*********************************************************
Some people confuse transsexualism and homosexuality or bisexuality.
A transsexual is a person who has undergone or hopes to undergo an
operation to become the other sex. Transsexuals (very few of whom are
gay, lesbian, or bisexual) feel very deeply that they were born into
the wrong body and should be the other sex. For them, the physical
operation brings their bodies into harmony with their internal
identities and sexual orientation. Most gay men, lesbians, and
bisexuals enjoy being the sex they are and have no desire to be the
other sex. While a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person growing up n-might
feel different and even uncomfortable, this has to do with
cultural constraints, parental expectations, and homophobia, not a
desire to change sexes.
Because our society encourages distinct roles for women and
men, we all are raised with ideas and images of what is 'feminine" and
what is "masculine.' Men are expected to be strong & athletic, and
emotionally reserved; whereas, women are expected to be fragile,
nurturing, emotional, and passive. Many people within the lesbian, gay,
bisexual communities have challenged and tried to discard these
stereotypes. Some gay and bisexual men (along with heterosexual men
involved in the 'new men's movement") have tried to develop their ' e
side by becoming more gentle and rejecting some of the restrictive
tenets of masculinity. Many lesbians and bisexual women (along with
heterosexual feminists) have abandoned the passivity associated with
traditional female roles. By challenging stereotypes, people are not
trying to be the other sex. When men and women incorporate aspects of
what has traditionally been associated with the other sex, they affirm
their whole selves.
The color lavender has been used by the gay, lesbian, and
bisexual community for some time. Part of its appeal lies in the fact
that lavender is a mixture of pink and blue, the traditional
colors supposedly associated with girls and boys, and thus expresses
our integration of attributes that have traditionally been masculine
and feminine.
Are all lesbians feminists? Are all feminists lesbians?
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A person`s sexual orientation does not inherently predict her
political outlook. Before the women's movement of the 1970s, many
lesbians came out and loved women without attributing any political
significance to that fact. Still today many lesbians do not actively
identify with feminism. And certainly many feminists do not identify
themselves as lesbians. Indeed, there has been a certain amount of
antilesbian activity in the women's movement, in which heterosexual
feminists have sought to disassociate and even purge lesbians from the
movement, in an effort to appear more palatable to mainstream society.
At the same time, many women also "acknowledge' or "discover"
lesbianism through their participation in feminist activity. Many
read about lesbianism for the first time in a political context and
receive support from feminist friends who see lesbianism as a positive
identity. And there are many women who discover feminism through
their interaction with other lesbians.
Sometimes heterosexual feminists have felt judged by lesbian
friends for not being a lesbian. Some feminists feel pressured to
"explore" lesbianism. (T. Grace Atidnson once said, "Feminism is the
theory; lesbianism is the practice.")
I have a friend I think is a lesbian. How should I act around her?
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Assuming she is a lesbian, there may be several reasons why
your friend has not told you so. Perhaps she is not ready. Perhaps
she is unsure of your reaction and does not want to risk getting
hurt, or losing your friendship. Perhaps she feels awkward in making
an "announcement." Some gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are relieved
to have someone ask them directly about their sexual orientation.
Others prefer to choose the when they tell their friends. You may
help them to tell you by making it clear that you would be supportive.
Telling a friend about one's sexual orientation takes an
enormous amount of courage, because losing a friend is a possible
outcome. If a friend comes out to you, you should recognize that this
is an indication that he or she values your friendship. It is
unlikely that he or she is making a "pass" at you, although this is a
common fear.
When a friend comes out to you, it may take a while for you
to adjust to the information. You may fear that others will think you
are gay, lesbian, or bisexual too, since you are a friend of
this person. Such assumptions are unwarranted, but they sometimes
cause friends to avoid spending time with an "out" individual. You
should behave in ways that are supportive of your friend, who is
really no different than before. The only difference is that you may
now have a greater level of honesty in your friendship.
Are you out at work?
********************
The risks of coming out at work are job discrimination, firing,
demotions, and the like. Some provinces have enacted legislation that
makes workplace discrimination based on orientation illegal. Several
cities have developed similar legislation. Subtle ways in which gay,
lesbian, or bisexual people are ignored in the work environment. As in
many other arenas, at the workplace most people presume everyone is
heterosexual. Jokes about fags and dykes may circulate without
workers realizing that they hurt people within earshot. Some of us
must pretend to be single heterosexuals and play the 'Monday morning
pronoun' game in which we change the pronoun representing the sex of
the person with whom we spent the weekend.
Family and Friends
******************
Don't you want to have children?
*********************************
This question assumes that gays & lesbians do not have children. Many
people assume that since gay men and lesbians have sexual
relationships with people of the same sex, they can't and don`t have
children. Many gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals do have children.
Some do not, but wish to, and some do not wish to. Many gay, lesbian,
and bisexual people already have children from previous or existing
heterosexual relationships. Some seek to have children after they
have "come out," through alternative insemination (by a known or
unknown donor), or adoption. Some have sex with a member of the other
sex, who is then not further involved in parenting. There are some
difficulties in being a gay, lesbian, or bisexual parent.
Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people may have to fight ex-spouses
for custody of their biological children. Many placement agencies are
reluctant to place children with adults known to be gay, lesbian, or
bisexual. Some places that provide alternative insemination services
insist that eligible candidates show evidence of a long-term
heterosexual relationship. These difficulties of being a gay, lesbian,
or bisexual parent come from societal homophobia, not from the gay,
lesbian, or bisexual parent. Some people use 'the best interests of
the child' as a excuse for their own homophobic attitudes. Other
problem that gay, lesbian, and bisexual parents face are similar to
those that single heterosexual parents face. For lesbians, and
especially lesbians of color, who as women
still earn on average significantly less than men, economic survival
can be a major struggle. Some gay, lesbian, and bisexual people seek
to approximate traditional family arrangements. They may find a
partner to whom they consider themselves "married" even though such
lifelong bonds are not legally recognized. Others may live singly or
in groups. A family need not be narrowly defined; many varieties of
support networks can function as families.
Should gay, lesbian, and bisexual people have children?
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This questioner probably does not support gay, lesbian, or bisexual
parenting. You may want to ask why such parents might be bad for
their children. The response might reveal some of these assumptions
underlying the questioner's concern:
1 . Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people sexually molest their
children.
2. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people encourage or force their
children to be homosexual or bisexual.
3. Children need both male and female role models in their lives
to grow up healthy, and a same-sex environment does not provide
this.
4. Because of all the prejudice around, it is unfair to the
children to have gay, lesbian, or bisexual parents, and
therefore, it is selfish for gay, lesbian, and bisexual people to
have children.
Morality and Religion
Isn't homosexuality and bisexuality Immoral? God created Adam
and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Amy and Marge.
Several texts are frequently cited from the Bible and
Koran as religious condemnations of homosexuality and
bisexuality. It is important to ask if these passages are divine
laws or reflections of the societal context in which the Bible
and the Koran were created.
The Greek Bible (commonly known as the New Testament)
condones slavery and states that women are inferior to men (for
example, I Timothy 2:9-15; I Corinthians 14:34-35). The Hebrew
Bible (commonly known as the Old Testament) forbids people to eat
pork and shellfish (for example, Leviticus 11), prohibits the use
of face paint, and establishes many outdated dress and dining
codes. There are many rules within the Bible that are no longer
taken literally except by orthodox segments of religious
communities.
Many of the Biblical texts that have been used to bolster
homophobia are misreadings or mistranslations of the Bible. In
fact, homosexuality is treated less seriously than the seven
deadly sins, but greed, and gluttony have not been grounds for
castration, burning, or drowning. Some commonly cited texts used
to support homophobic attitudes were actually intended to condemn
sex outside of marriage, male prostitution, and marrying or
loving someone from a different race or country, and not
homosexuality per se.
Theologians spurred on by extra-religious concerns and
cultural prejudices sought to make much of the relatively little
homophobic sentiment in fundamental jewish, Christian and Moslem
texts. The transition from tolerance to hostility was almost
wholly the consequence of the rise of corporate states and
institutions with the power and desire to regulate increasingly
personal aspects of human life.
Unless you are well versed in Scripture, do not engage in
a religious debate. The purpose is not to convince people that
their religious beliefs are wrong or that their religious
training was misguided. To do that would only make them more
closed-minded. We can, however, talk about our own personal
relationship with God (or a higher power) if such a relationship
exists for us.
Are you religious? Do you believe in God?
Many people feel that there is a tension, if not a
contradiction, between being religious and being gay, lesbian, or
bisexual, This stems partly from the rejection of sexual
minorities by many organized religions. You will have to answer
for yourself.
When questions of religion enter you may find it helpful
to turn the discussion from one of religion to one centred around
the topic of human and civil rights. No matter what one's
religious convictions, all religion is based on the pretence that
we are all God's children and therefore deserving of basic human
dignity and basic human rights. For Christian audiences, you
might note that Jesus said nothing about homosexuality or
bisexuality. But he did say a lot about love.
Whether you are religious or not, you might mention the
variety of ways that gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals incorporate
spirituality in their lives. Dignity, Integrity, Am Tikva, and
the Metropolitan Community Church, are examples of Catholic,
Episcopal, Jewish, and non-denominational groups that serve our
communities.
Some denominations are more accepting of homosexuality and
bisexuality than others. For example, Reform Jews, Unitarian
Universalists, Quakers, the United Church of Christ and others
ordain gay, lesbian, and bisexual people into the ministry, and
are welcoming of people of all sexual identities in all segments
of religious life.
What does the pink triangle mean?
In the Nazi concentration camps, prisoners were classified by
patches of different colors corresponding to their "crime.' Jews were
forced to wear a yellow star (two yellow triangles sewn together);
political prisoners (liberals, socialists, communists) a red triangle;
anti- or asocials (alcoholics, vagrants, prostitutes, and others) a
black triangle; hard-core criminals a green triangle; and jehovah's
Witnesses a purple one.
Gay men were forced to wear pink triangles placed point down on
both the left shirt sleeve and right pant leg. These men were sent to
the camps under German law, Paragraph 175, which made illegal not only
same-sex sexual acts, but also embraces, and even male homosexual
fantasies.
The law did not cover homosexuality in women. Authorities
responded to this 'oversight" by sending supposed lesbians to the
concentration camps wearing black triangles, under the charge of being
asocials. Some witnesses have reported that in the concentration
camps, gay prisoners were treated so horrendously that people wanted
yellow stars rather than pink triangles.
We don't know for sure how many people were put to death under
the sign of the pink and black triangles, but they number in the
thousands. (The most common estimate for men wearing the pink triangle
in the camps is about 15,000.)
After the liberation, homosexuality remained against the law in
virtually every allied country. When the troops learned the meaning
of the pink triangles, they threw many gay men in jail, rather than
free them.
Though the pink and black triangles represent the highest form
of oppression that our communitities have endured, the pink triangle
(and to a lesser degree the black one) has been transformed into an
empowering symbol of strength and resistance to bigotry. Today in
Amsterdam, the "Homomonument," a large stone plaza that includes
three pink triangles in its design, stands as a tribute people
everywhere who have suffered the indignities of homophobia.
Prior to this symbolic representation of the pink and black
triangles, the Greek letter Lambda (a symbol for wavelength in quantum
physics suggesting dynamism, and an abbreviation for Lesbian) was used
to identify the gay, lesbian, and bisexual rights movements. In
recent years, bisexual people have adopted their own symbol: two
triangles, one pink and one blue, overlapping to create a lavender
triangle in the center.
Is gay-bashing really very common?
Direct violence against gay, lesbian, and bisexual people is a
nationwide phenomenon many have experienced some form of victimization
on account of sexual orientation: 'punched, hit, kicked, or
beaten,' and police abuse, assaults with weapons, harassment or
assault. Victimization was reported to have occurred at home, at
school, and at other community locales including assaulted verbally,
or physically abused by members of their own family. Attacks include
verbal harassment, intimidation, physical assault, vandalism, arson,
rape, murder, and police abuse. The majority of bias-related assaults
in which sexual orientation is a factor are never reported due to the
vicd&s concern of "coming out" publicly, or lack of trust in the
judicial system.
Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, especially the more "out"
members of these communities, are frequently targets of physical
attacks by individuals and gangs. "Queer-bashing has become a
recognized sport for groups of male teenagers, who believe that they
can prove their manhood by assaulting queers. At one college, part of
What Is homophobia?
Homophobia refers to a prejudicial belief system that maintains
that gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are threatening; that they are
sick, unnatural, immoral, or disgusting; that they are inferior to
heterosexuals, and that they deserve to be hated. Homophobia operates
on four distinct but interrelated levels, personal, interpersonal,
institutional, and cultural (A related term, bi-phobia, refers to a
fear or hatred of bisexuals. Bi-phobia may operate in slightly
different ways, since it includes not only heterosexuals'
but also homosexual anxieties about bisexuality.)
Personal or internalized homophobia includes an individual's
negative beliefs, opinions, about gay, lesbian, or bisexual people.
Interpersonal homophobia is manifested when a personal bias or
prejudice is acted out by one individual upon another, thus
transforming prejudice into its active component-discriminatiom
Examples of interpersonal homophobia are namecalling or 'joke' verbal
verbal and physical harassment, as well as more extreme forms of
violence, rejection of children by parents, isolation from coworkers
and peers, and so on.
Institutional homophobia refers to the ways in which
governments, schools, businesses, religious, and professional
organizations discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or
identity. Sometimes laws, codes, or policies actually enforce such
discrimination. Few contemporary institutions have policies
supportive of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, and many actively
work against not only those groups, but also heterosexuals who are
supportive of the rights of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.
Cultural homophobia, so called "societal' or "collective,"
refers to the unwritten social norms or codes of behavior that work
within a society to legilize oppression. Examples of cultural
homophobia are the exclusion of images of gay, lesbian, and bisexual
people from the media or from history, or their inclusion in purely
negative stereotypical terms.
Steps for the Future
Why are people homophobic?
Many prejudices against gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are
based on inaccurate stereotypes and lack of information. Society
portrays sexual minorities as sick, perverted, or nonexistent. Many
people are not aware that they know healthy gay, lesbian, and bisexual
individuals. Many people, fearing they might be gay, lesbian, and
bisexual, prefer to attack us as a way of avoiding self
identification.
Many people also link homosexuality and bisexuality only with
sexual behavior. In a culture that is reluctant to acknowledge
sexuality of any kind, homosexuality and bisexuality become
problematic. Our society supports one way of being: the traditional
male or female role within a nuclear family setting. The reality of
same sex relationships challenges this model's claim to be the only
legitimate one, and suggests that people can lead successful and
creative lives without having to fit a set pattern. For people who
feel uncomfortable with or uncertain about their sexual orientation or
relationships, this can be very unsettling and threatening. The
presence of groups of people apparently different from the "norm" can
be very threatening particularly when a society experiences a
state of flux or crisis, we find that racial, ethnic, and political
minorities become targets of scapegoating and attack. Rather than
admit confusion, acknowledge systematic problems, or make necessary
changes, a society often chooses to try to shift the focus of its own
failings upon these targeted groups.
How is the struggle for gay rights related to other civil rights
movements?
Noting the connections between the treatment of gay, lesbian, and
bisexual people and other oppressed groups offers the possibility for
a shared movement challenging all forms of oppressions a step in
advancing progressive social change. It is important to view
discrimination against gay, lesbian, and bisexual people as stenuning
from many of the same sources as the victimization of transgender
people, people of colour, Latinos and Latinas, Asians, Jews, women,
people with disabilities, older and younger people, and others. For
example, homophobia may be viewed as an extension of sexism, in which
gay men are oppressed and devalued as 'women."
It must also be acknowledged that though there are many
similarities, there are significant differences in the ways in which
particular target groups experience oppression. By connecting our
experience of oppression with other forms of oppression, we suggest
that part of the solution to homophobia lies in our ability to link up
with other groups targeted for victimization.
How does homophobia hurt heterosexuals?
We feel that homophobia touches everyone. You do not have to be
gay, lesbian, or bisexual, or know someone who is, to be negatively
affected. In reality, though homophobia actively oppresses gay men,
lesbians, and bisexuals, it also hurts heterosexuals. In the larger
perspective, everyone loses.
* Homophobia inhibits the ability of heterosexuals to form dose,
intimate relationships with members of their own sex, for fear of
being perceived as gay, lesbian, or bi
* Homophobia restricts communication with a significant percentage
of the population.
* Homophobia locks people into rigid gender-based roles that
inhibit creativity and self expression.
* Homophobia is often used to stigmatize heterosexuals: those
perceived or labeled by others to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual;
children of gay, lesbian, or bisexual parents, parents of gay,
lesbian, or bisexual children; and friends of gay men, lesbians,
and bisexuals.
* Homophobic conditioning compromises the integrity of heterosexual
people by pressuring them to treat others badly, actions that are
contrary to their basic humanity.
* Homophobia, combined with sex-phobia, results in the invisibility
or erasure of gay, lesbian, and bi lives and sexuality in
school-based sex education discussions, keeping vital information
from students. Such erasures can kill people in the age of AIDS.
* Homophobia is one cause of premature sexual involvement, which
increases the chances of teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually
transmitted diseases. Young people, of all sexual identities, are
often pressured to become heterosexually active to prove to
themselves and others that they are "normal."
* Homophobia prevents some gay, lesbian, and bisexual people from
developing an authentic self identity and adds to the pressure to
marry, which in turn places undue stress and often trauma on
themselves as well as their heterosexual spouses, and their
children.
* Homophobia (along with racism, sexism, classism, sex-phobia, and
so forth) discourages a unified and effective governmental and
societal response to AIDS, which has far-reaching implications.
* Homophobia prevents heterosexuals from accepting the benefits and
gifts offered by the gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities:
theoretical insights, social visions and options, contributions in
the arts and culture, religion, to family life, and to other
sectors of society.
* Homophobia inhibits appreciation of diversity, making
it unsafe for everyone because each person has unique traits not
considered mainstream or dominant. We are all diminished when any
one of us is demeaned.
From this perspective, it becomes clearer that it is in the
self-interest of heterosexuals to support the liberation efforts of
gay, lesbian, and bisexual people. By challenging homophobia, people
are not only fighting oppression for specific groups of people, but
are also striving for a society that accepts celebrates the
differences in all of us.
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