TVTEKWAR.RVW 941201 Bill Shatner has been reading "Snow Crash" (cf BKSNCRSH.RVW)! In tonight's episode of Tekwar, we find that police detectives, and the hero's ex-wife, have been felled by a nasty virus. A *computer* virus. Call the Weekly World News. Shatner is *much* more ambitious than Stephenson. The "Snow Crash" virus, in graphical representation, looked pretty much as you'd expect--snow! The Tekwar virus looks like a young lady. (When she starts to open her blouse, you get just a hint of circuitry and bright light. Hubba, hubba!) Oh, come now, Rob. Don't be a spoil sport. They can make programs that look like text, can't they? So why can't they make programs that look like pictures? Well, it is true that I have copies of the BOO programs, which are utilities for converting binary files into a format that was only printable characters. I understand that there is an MS-DOS program, called COMt, which turns COM files into *executable* forms, using only printable characters. (Padgett Peterson was so taken with the idea that he wrote his Christmas card program using only printable characters.) The "text" programs, however, don't exactly look like a letter from Mom--they look like strings of garbage. Paradoxically, graphics images (realistic graphics, that is) give you even *less* leeway, since the human eye is *very* good at picking up anomalies. The Tekwar virus is recovered from an imperfectly erased copy of the graphic. Under extrapolative recreation, the virus is virulent enough that just looking at it will fry your computer. (Try *that* with your average copy of Stoned. "Lossy" compression wins again!) (By the way, in *that* picture, the young lady has her shirt *on*.) If you look at the virus, it renders you unconscious. Fair enough: flashing lights can stimulate epileptic seizures. However, thereafter the virus slowly causes *physical* degradation of your nervous system. Oh, please. What's the nerve equivalent of JMP? Stay tuned *next* week, when Bill Shatner uses the I-word. (Pay close attention when he announces the virus is loose.) copyright Robert M. Slade, 1994 TVTEKWAR.RVW 941201 ====================== roberts@decus.ca rslade@vcn.bc.ca rslade@vanisl.decus.ca Why did the chicken cross the Moebius Strip? To get to the other.. um.. er.. Author "Robert Slade's Guide to Computer Viruses" 0-387-94663-2 (800-SPRINGER)