Book of Hellhound
Chapter 1. (the Book of the rising MOO)
1: At first - all was dark - for man had forgotten of the Cow.
2: And the Cow did feast upon the "snackies" in the form of war, crime, aids, and cheez whiz.
3: But, from whence unknown, one was born enlightened, one named Yari.
4: From where unknown came Yari, prophet of the Cow of MOO, and Yari did say MOO and all changed.
5: And Yari did then say to himself (or so it is said) "Ok, that's enough of this shit." and then to hence unknown did Yari go, never to return.
6: For indeed, it had been done, the people of the Psycho-Shoppe were enlightened and saw MOO for the first time.
7: But without Yari, the MOOists were like a headless pushpin, without leadership or vision.
8: And then did one of the MOOists say (or so it is writ) "Yo dudes! I'm hip! I'll be thy visionary type person, and Floyd here shall be yo' High Preest!"
9: And thus did Half-Mad become the Grate Prophet of MOO and Floyd Gecko his High Preest.
10: And thence the writing of this great book did begin by thy scribe, age-old member of the MOOists, from the secret society of the Cardinal Richelieus.
Chapter 5. (the Book of the Dealings of the Hound)
1: And thus was decreed the laws upon the Hellhound 101, engraved upon a pile of out-dated silicon.
2: There is to be no drawing upon the Hellhound 101.
3: When not in use, place the Hellhound 101 in thy pantry, but only if thy pantry is properly stocked with vegetables and
hot-dogs.
4: Thou shalt not Taunt the Hellhound 101.
5: There shall be no chewing upon the arm of the Hellhound 101.
6: Should the Hellhound produce a whimpering sound, immediately find him a Bishopess of MOO or face continuous pouting.
Chapter Of Psychosis
Confuse-Ius once say: "What do you MEAN, is it worth killing for? OF COURSE it is. ANYTHING is worth killing for."
For Confuse-Ius is a psychopathic maniac.
Chapter 7. (the Book of the Cow)
1: And God begat the cow, and whence the cow was to be butchered, it then did draw a blade to slay God and thence God became god and the cow became Cow and such was the great MOO.
5: And the food of the Cow, the humans, did say MOO, and the Cow decided not to eat them. But those who did not say MOO were still designated as "snackies" to be eaten by the Cow or by the MOOists.
6: And thus MOOist fell upon the snackies and began to eat as the Cow watched over.
7: But then MOOist fell upon MOOist because it was deemed "uncool" and "not-nice!" to dine upon the unwitting snackies (some say it was because Half-Mad was bored and wanted Hellhound bits).
8: T'was then that the Cow did decree the writings of the Hound (chapter 5) which included:
9: "Hey, guys, don't bite the Hound!! Eat the losers who don't know better!"
10: And thus the MOOists were saved from self-ingestion.
11: But some renegade MOOists took things too far and began to see cannibalBLATT as the only purpose in life, but their heads exploded.
Chapter 42. (The Book of Chickens and Bats)
8: And no rubber chicken should go without the beatings that they so deserve for this Cardinal Sin.
12: And this pounding, mashing, crushing, mauling, defenestrating, batting, clubbing, and mutilation of Rubber Chickens is the perfect Catharsis to make up for the lack of faith shown by the Snackies.