Notes by Screaming Squid Stephenson
The gnustick operates by destroying her own mind. It's part
of the SOLVE process in alchemy, or maybe a part of an alien
conspiracy. The breakdown factor in religion, art, whatever...
Look, every taboo of our society was just a barrier put up to
keep a dBLATTTinction between us and someone else: like every cult,
a culture needs to DBLATTTINGUISH itself from its neighbors, make
its members different from everyone around them so they won't fit
in somewhere else. It's a way of maintaining coherence.
Coherence is for losers who can't handle CHAOS. Of course,
CHAOS is for losers who can't manage themselves inside order. It
cuts both ways, like everything in this not-really-polarized
universe. Order and CHAOS are just two different words for two
different things. i don't believe they're the same thing, but i
don't believe they're different either. i don't believe i just
said they're different things. But i don't believe in anything.
Some people say I'm a nihilBLATTT, but i don't believe in
nihilBLATT. NihilBLATT is a belief in nothing (or so they tell me,
but i don't believe them), but i don't believe in nothing.
No, the point is taboos. Look, things we think are terrible,
things like incest, rape, cannibalBLATT, bestiality, child
pornography, ritual murder, necrophilia... All those things were,
at various times, sacraments of some culture, somewhere. Our
culture just happens to be descended from tribes and city-states
that ran up against these and created taboos to dBLATTTinguish
themselves. We've thrown away 90% of the shamanic tradition, and
the other 17% isn't too far behind. Why? i don't believe in the
accidents of hBLATTTory. i don't believe in reasons. There is no
WHY.
Those things aren't EVIL, except that we've defined them as
evil. Shamanic tradition always involved breaking taboos. That's
part of what the gnustick process is about. But not only taboos,
but minds need breaking. Maybe not everyone's mind, maybe not all
at the same time. But unless you take the plunge of total
eradication of the self, you'll be trapped in who you are forever.
i haven't been me for very long, and I'm not the only person in my
mind. Traditional psychotherapy would call me schizophrenic, or
multiple-personality. But i have no personality. The personality
is something you invent when you need to fit in. Evil only becomes
evil because people yield to the instinct to do something that
we've arbitrarily called evil, and they've been taught it's evil,
and they believe they're evil. Thinking they're evil, they get
this negative feedback in their heads, but positive feedback from
another part of themselves. And the ego, that poor much-abused
motherfucker that sits on top of it all trying to integrate all
this experience into something called a PERSONALITY... Well, the
ego gets stressed, and these people start doing self-destructive
things: they WANT to stop being evil, but they also don't.
Different parts of themselves conflict, fight with each other. So
they start destroying themselves.
This is one route of gnusis. It's a painful route. Commit
evil acts that shock you. i myself (but i don't believe in myself)
murdered and ate the brains of eleven people, in a re-enactment of
the ritual human sacrifices of High Carcosa. In Carcosa, the new
Queen would have to kill the old Queen and eat her brain, which was
believed to give the new Queen the wisdom of the old. Did this
ritual help destroy my mind? Alas, no. All that happened was that
i was visited by a group of semi-human forms, clad all in blue,
about whom i can say nothing except that their soul and messenger
was a spawn that hatched from demon eggs laid in the fertile
nightmares of the crawling chaos Nyarlathotep. i can't say
anything about what they said or did while they visited me, but in
the aftermath, i realized that my culture, my upbringing, was too
weak on moral instruction to really make be BELIEVE that i was
evil. Embracing the Dark wouldn't work.
My eventual gnusis was hard, and it didn't happen until long
after this dialog happened. Using some of what the Book told me,
i figured out the secrets of the MOOBLATTT reality-altering drug
CCMV. Using it, i altered reality until there were creatures in my
brain, small parasites hatched from eggs laid there by the flies in
my eyes. The parasites broke down my mind until the Spirit that
had been there descended back down into Matter, deeper and further,
until i reached a state of Lower Concsiousness. My mind had
fragmented so far...
Well, so far that i was broken down to subatomics, down even
further, until i came apart into the Pit of Gehinnom. But the
spiritual world is circular. Move away in any direction and you
come back from the other direction. The tree of Qlippoth is a
namronic mirror-image, the negative imprint, of the Sephiroth of
the Tree of Life. The namronic space is non-orientable: move too
far in the direction of ordered form, and the Chaos Principle
smashes your AnerBLATTTic Delusion: similarly the reverse: so too
if you sink into the Qlippothic domains of the Pit, you find
yourself in the same realm that lies behind the Three Veils of
Negative Being. Akasha, spirit, doesn't descend from above, but
rises from the Pit. It grows out of matter, ordinary matter,
forming itself into patterns that self-coagulate to become what we
call Spirit. Mind is information, and information comes from
matter.
It's all damn holes there. Reality is full of holes. They
dress them up by sticking donuts around them, but they can't hide
the real emptiness inside.
Up is down. i found in my gnusis that Lower Consciousness,
sinking into nothing, less and less complex forms, is the same as
rising out of the Game. Whatever It is, i reached It in Lower
Concsciouesness because the donut is window-dressing for the
Absolute. Nihil omnia fit.
Mmmm'n. Ngah f'thep t'gynh!
A Zen Master goes up to a Hot Dog vendor, and tells him "Make
me one with everything." Unfortunately for the fortunate
Zenmaster, the Hot Dog vendor is Half-Mad, a deranged servant of
the MOOBLATTT Hot Dog Cult, and he slices open the Zenmaster,
grinds up his body, and stuffs the meal into the Zenmaster's own
small intestine, broils it, sticks it in the Sacred Hot Dog Bun of
Lam, and heaps on every topping imaginable. He has now made the
zenmaster's body One With Everything. He hands it to the
zenmaster, who eats it with relish (and pickles, onions, hot
peppers, ketchup, diesel fuel, mushrooms (both obscure and
exoteric), cheese, sauerkraut, omnia fugit rationes, my dog (who is
warm, but not hot) and twelve dancing horseradish). Whereupon the
Hot Dog acheives enlightenment.
Descent into the unimaginable horror of human hBLATTTory.
It's the beast inside that surfaces, and, believing the myth of
Good and Evil, collects all evils it can conceive and heaps them
together, tearing themselves apart from the inside, until the
zenmaster, who exBLATTTs in all of us, windowdressing donut
Absolute, realizes that the Evil is the alchemical slow heat, the
self-tearing destruction held in check (barely) by cohesive Egomind
is the slow heat that transmutes ordinary matter into
consciousness. Consciousness is the slow heat that burns away what
it itself calls evil until the base mind is transmuted into a
higher mind. Donut fhtagn, donut fhtagn. Ia ia donut Absolute
hotdog zenmaster N'nnngh. Fhtagn.
Anyway.
Gnusis leaves the mind barren, but the Trell enter through the
gaps, because when the mind is torn apart, the Trell can enter, and
it's they, classified as nonexBLATTTent or dangerous, who can lead
us to the Higher (Lower) Truth. Yes. The Trell are Watchers, and
Leaders left by the Unbeheld: they are not aliens, nor a secret
mystery cult (with mustard or without (regardless of mushrooms,
donuts, or Cthulhu) and no reddish radish fetish) but projections
of the Spirit developing in the disjoint Gnustick mind, raising it
from its hotdog state into Truth.
Hail.
Hail.
Hail.
And that's all.
You can stop reading now.
Forever.