INSTANT HITLER®
New, from the good people at Instant Hitler®,
comes the latest in our line of dehydrated
inflatable Instant Hitler®s. Fun, and safe!
Yes, it's Instant Hitler®! The next time
you're in the mood for that refreshingly
dictatorial lunatic, just pull out a packet of
Instant Hitler®, add one litre of water, and stir!
Instant fun for the whole family!
"Oh, look mom! Instant Hitler® comes in
several flavors! Suicidal Hitler,
Homicidal Hitler, Cabbage Hitler, Assylum
Hitler and more! And if we save up enough
Swastikas and Sieg Heils we can get free
accessories for our Hitler Doll!"
You too can collect all seven tags from inside
the Instant Hitler's hat, one in each flavour
(Cherry, Suicidal, Cabbage, Lemon-Lime, Homicidal,
Assylum, and Grape)! Send all seven proofs of
purchase, along with your name, address, racial
background, religion, and sexual orientation to:
Instant Hitler®
c/o Heritage Aryan Fnordions
P.O. Box 666, Station Q
Sweethome, Alabama
If you correctly answer all
skill/attitude-testing questions, you may be
eligible for a FREE dream vacation to Hawaii, all
expenses paid, and small pink drinkables served to
you by a plush Heinrich Himmler doll! Brought to
you from the incredibly evil people at Instant Hitler®!
(Instant Hitler® contains Sinistrose and other left-handed sugars,
suitable for dictator reduced diets!) Instant Hitler® should only be taken on
the advice of a qualified physician. Instant Hitler® is not user-serviceable.
Do not operate heavy machinery while using Instant Hitler®. Only twelve
applications of Instant Hitler® to scalp is curing of dandruff!)