MOO: the unofficial quiz
The premise here is simple. Everyone in this modern day, age,
and temporal span, kneads to no if you're MOO material. What other
question could occupy the minds of such research SubGeniuses as
Albert Einstein, J. Robert Oppenheimer, and John von Neumann for
THOUSANDS OF MILENNIA of sideways time to produce a survey like
this one? Literally nothing!
Hence my own literary skills entering the scene, on a dark and
stormy night when this was concocted. Fill this survey out, and
add up your score. This should tell you your MOO-rating. If it
doesn't, don't worry.
Da Questions
1) In your own words, explain the principle of the Church of MOO.
a) True
b) False
c) Nun of the Above
d) Squid
2) WOMBAT is:
a) An alien hypercomputer
b) A C.I.A. plot to overturn the government
c) A MOOist mind-game
d) An australian marsupial of moderate size and spicy flavour
4) Question 3 was:
a) Written in invisible ink
b) Swallowed by a spacetime wormhole and sucked backwards
through time to the time of Atlantis, whereupon it was launched
into the depths of space with the departing continent, and finally
recycled as the Colonel's secret blend of eleven herbs and spices,
lightly dusted on dead flesh, ingested by those peculiar people
with no sense of dignity or respect for the dead, such as MOOists,
who enjoy eating of the dead and long-forgotted flesh of the
deceased. What is this with MOOism and the Kannibal Kult of the
90's thing anyway? I mean, if they were really Kannibal
KultBLATTTs, wouldn't they get, like, arrested or something? Okay,
let's revise that, then, since the MOOists are just trying to
intimiate us or something. I'll bet it's the capricancers. So
let's make (b) read: Swallowed by a time-space hole-worm, and
backed suckwards through Atlantis to the time of times, in which
the true nature of reality is apparent as a subquantum mesh in the
DreamTime, where the true FreeMasons make reality friezes, and
lightly dusted on dead flesh. This WOULD be an improvement, only
the thing about FreeMasons, I don't know about that. I mean, any
being can alter the subquantum mesh framework of reality, right?
That's what the myth about CCMV is trying to teach us (speaking of
which, one can't help but point out here that the truth about CCMV
is available from the Church of MOO for only $10 CDN, a good deal
for you Yanks (though $10 American would be gladly accepted, even
if it is green (we don't judge the money by the colour of it's ink,
we judge it by the apparent value of its transactional matrix
interactions (which riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of
shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of
recirculation back to the subject of CCMV (which, while it creates
strangely nested heirarchies of altered and self-muting universes
in the mind and environs of the user by semantic, chemical, and
subquantum manipulation of the True Reality Frieze, never collapses
the nested structure, and leaves you with this strangely dangling
sense of having become embedded in a dream or sentence which
diverts itself and never returns to where it began, leaving you
strangely dissatisfied with the grammar of the situation (not
unlike the present cirumstance (which is about to come to an abrupt
c) Forgotten
d) What's question 3 again?
e) What's quetsion 4 again?
5) Eris is:
a) The female form of "heir".
b) The Greek Goddess of discord, confusion, and hot dogs
c) Your friend
d) A giant squid named Barney
e) Terribly important, but reasonably forgetful
6) wHAT'S WITH tHIS pREoCCuPAtIOn WItH SqUId?
a) 0.00 - 4.99
q) 5.00 - 9.76
z) 15.2 - X.XX
è) Bork
7) "BoB" is:
a) The saviour of the world
b) A vicious alien being destined to rule humanity by pain
c) A rather nice young nickel collection from Flin Flon
d) "BoB" spelled backwards
8) The 5ulcan Things From Pods are best described by:
a) "Sinister, evil, surreptitious mind diseases"
b) "The only hope of human contact with the True Alien Mind"
c) "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
d) Using the vocal apparatus
9) Louis Armstrong has:
a) Nothing to do with MOOism
b) A small MOOish subcult in Louisville, Kentucky
q) MinBLATTTership in the Universal Life Church
z) arms.
10) Bagels:
Q) Are edible
%) Are alien invaders with nuclear capability
è) Are Lucifer's servants on Pluto
) Are the reincarnated form of dead MOOist saints
12) Bork?
a) First there is a WOMBAT
b) Then there is no WOMBAT
c) Then there is
d) Nun of the above
e) All of the above
Answers:
1)T
2)T
3)F
4)Y
5)N
6)Q
7)R
8)&
9)$$
10)ê
11)F
12)T
Score one point for each incorrect answer. For each correct
answer, multiply the correct answer by your running score, and take
the square root. Subtract this from your running shoe, multiply
again by your IQ, divide by your weight in Forbes Units, and add 6.
Otherwise, subtract 3. Add up your score, and compare with the
rating scale below.
-20 to -10: You're definitely MOO material. You haven't bothered
to follow goofy MOOish dogma, catma, or anything else. You
sure do think for yourself.
-9 to -1: You're definitely MOO material. You've got the right
balance of "right" and "wrong" in your soul to mesh perfectly
with the true Tao of Idiocy which is the Church of MOO.
0 to sQuId: You're definitely MOO material. Your calcluating
skills are clearly influenced by the Great WOMBAT, and that
means your brain is ALREADY OURS!
Yellow to Bork: You're MOO material. No doubt about that.
12: Keener.