WEDDINGS OF THE HOLY CHURCH OF THE GREAT MOO
Weddings of MOO are pure-form exercises, with no more real-world effect than weddings of other religions. They join "As One" two or more people, by the semantick majik involved in having a Preest say some words which might or might not mean anythi
ng.
Any arrangement of partners which can be imagined can be married. Marriages can be one-way, between large groups of people and NO subsets (or only specific ones), between the same sex or opposite sex, humans and cabbages, or anything else you thin
k of.
The ceremony may be altered to suit the marriage being performed. Where it says "Groom" and "Bride", the names of the participants should be used. But who am I to tell YOU what to do?
Preest: This is a wedding, so shut up. Groom! Do you love her?
Groom: Yeah.
Preest: Bride! Do you love him?
Bride: Yeah.
Preest: You're married. Dibs on the cheese dip.
Assembly adjourns for refreshments, including cheese dip or something.
EXORCBLATTS OF THE HOLY CHURCH OF THE GREAT MOO
In some cases, priests or teachers of MOOism or of the Penguin Temple may find that they encounter evil spirits (wandering souls that can't find a cheap hotel) or manifestations of the Evil One. In such cases, any member of the Church Of MOO is perm
itted to perform an exorcBLATT, and the highest ranking member available should be the one to perform the duty. The ceremony goes a bit like this:
ExorcBLATTT: EEEEEEVIL SPIRITS? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
[Significant pause]
ExorcBLATTT: FUCK OFF!
SNOWBLOWER DEMON SUMMONING RITUAL
00001: Draw a pentacle on the ground in black chalk to satisfy the Law Of Fives.
00002: On each corner, place a snowball made of black snow.
00003: In the middle of the pentacle, place a snowshovel.
00004: Chant the magic words "IO SNOWSHOVEL! IO IO SNOWSHOVEL! IO SNOWSHOVEL SNOWSHOVEL! YO! SNOWSHOVEL! HEY, STUPID!"
00005: Duck. Fast.