The CAT User's Manual
               User Installation and Maintenance Documentation

      CAT v. 7.0: Completely Autonomous Telepurronics

      Manufactured by MOMCAT

      System Design Specifications:

         * User Friendly
         * Mouse Driven
         * Self Cleaning
         * Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
         * Self Portable Operation
         * Dual Video and Audio Input
         * Audio Output
         * Auto Search Routines for Input Data
         * Auto Search for Output Bin
         * Instant Transition (2 nanoseconds) Between Standby and Full
           Power Mode


      Production Details: After basic KIT construction, the unit
      undergoes six weeks of onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing.
      Listed features are installed during this period. Since MOMCAT
      uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units.


      Transportation: A suitable transportation case should be used for
      transportation to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a
      CAT unit may result in loss or damage to the unit and/or serious
      injury to the end user.


      Installation Procedures: Upon receiving the CAT unit, the user
      should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are
      operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are
      indicative of the MOMCAT production enviroment. The user may
      manually remove any bugs.

      Bring the CAT to operation in an environment temperature at 20 deg. C
      (+/- 3 deg tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s)
      present. Open the transporation case and let the CAT unit
      autoexit. Initialize the self learning program Katfind(tm) by
      displaying the input bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state,
      room temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy pellets. Immediately
      afterwards, display the output bin.

      If the user already has a CAT unit successfully installed, it may
      be possible to transfer BASIC routines to the new CAT. For the
      first day or two, the CAT will stay in self learning mode. When
      the learn buffer overflows, the CAT will autoswitch to sleep
      mode. This is normal. The MMU system will store the new
      information to permanent memory. Afer 72 hours, the CAT will be
      interacting with the operating environment.

      The unit may be placed in direct sunlight. CAT units are
      operational in all axis: standing, sitting, or laying down. If all
      basic environment requirements are satisfied, the CAT system will
      produce a slight hum. This is normal.

      A new CAT should not exit the primary site facility. Full
      portability comes after extensive burn in.. Some users never let
      the CAT unit autoexit the site. The advantages are longer unit
      life and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate CAT units may lead to
      unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with untested CATs may lead to
      virus infection. If allowed to exit,  fatal errors may happen. If you
      decide to let your CAT out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT file with
      a system address and URL which identifies the host site.

      Your CAT should have a system name. The name may need to be
      reinitialized repeatedly until the system can read it correctly.
      This lets you issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online
      state. Many owners give their CATs a secret password as well. You
      can also get the CAT's attention by booting the system. While this
      is effective, it is discouraged.


      Applications: At present, there are few productivity applications
      for CAT..

      MOUSE is a killer app. This is pre-installed.

      Most owners use their system for game playing. CATs play best when
      they are new. Older units suffer a system timing decay which
      leads to reduced response and flexibility. Some CAT games are:

           The CAT will CACHE a data string. Similar to the K9 unit
           game, but the object must be smaller.
           Move the data string through the air. The CAT unit will reach
           new heights of operation.
           Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to
           parse itself. Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by
           calling its name.

           Played between two CAT units or a CAT and a K9 unit. Units
           take turns as one is the data and the other attempts to parse
      DANCE and SING
           Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output.


      Maintenance: CATs will self-recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24
      hour cycle.

      CATs are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not
      clean the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This may
      lead to a violent explosion.

      A CAT unit should be taken once a year to a VET for a system checkup.

      Do not attempt to open a CAT. There are no user serviceable parts
      inside. If a unit emits unusual smells or sounds, it should be
      serviced immediately by a VET.

      You may examine the CAT system to determine if it has a male or
      female SCSI port. If the port is male, then the CAT unit may
      emit a non-toxic aerosol. The VET can remove this component. CATs
      with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. The
      VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal part. Such
      systems should run unix.


      Warning Notices: CAT systems are normally user friendly. However,
      in certain documented situations, a CAT may pose a danger to the
      user. Repeated jamming or obstruction of I/O ports may lead to
      deployment of auto-defense systems. Never attempt a first strike
      on a CAT system. Its CPU clock rate made to milspecs and thus
      classified, but JANE'S FIGHTING FELINES notes that a unit was seen
      by ham radio operators to be apparently moving at 500 mHz. Twin
      D-shaped five-pin connectors have an average seek rate of 3
      nanoseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to
      the user.

      Children should not poke anything into the CAT's I/O ports. CAT
      may BYTE.

      In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build up.>      
      To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface.

      Do not operate the CAT above water. This may lead to end-user

      Carry the CAT firmly. Do not swing it by its "tail".


      If you properly care for your CAT, it will give you years of loyal
      service. Many users get a second unit, to enjoy the ability to run
      complex simulation games.


      User Groups: CAT users can find other users and FAQ on the
      Usenet newsgroup rec.pets.cats.


      Lifetime Warranty: The CAT unit is guaranteed against catastrophic
      failure. Nine coupons are included.


      Documented Problems: The Ctrl key on most CAT units is defective.
      This may lead to serious performance problems.

      Do not install a BIRD unit at a site which has an operational CAT
      unit. These tend to disappear.


      System Features:

         * Models = Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest
           footprint in the industry). Available in 15 inch, 17 inch,
           and 19 inch sizes.
         * Interface = Touch sensitive interface for maximum user
         * Memory = Not much. Upgrades available real soon now.
         * Expected Lifetime = 15 years (although 20
           years is common).
         * Weight = 3-6 kilograms without optional cables.
         * Speed = 3 nanoseconds search/find with self-uprighting
           supertwist technology.
         * Color Graphics = Either paper white, monochrome
           (black/white), 64 grey shades, or maximum of 16 million
           colors with 40 terrabits of high resolution floating point
         * Sound Chip =16 octaves, digital MIDI output (MI/OU).
         * Power Consumpution = 250 grams protein daily (2 micrograms
           per second.)
         * Operating Range = -30 to +45 C (-22 to +105 F)
         * Vibration = 5-500 Hz, one octave/min, dwell at all resonance


      Contacting CAT Technical Support:

      Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you. As soon as
      they wake up from their nap.