The Top 15 Signs Your Librarian is Nuts  
  
  
  
15> Entire library stock replaced by 50,000 copies of "Yes, I Can"
    by Sammy Davis, Jr.  
  
14> Half-dozen recently-extracted tongues stapled to the "Quiet 
    Please" sign.  
  
13> Recommends Kato Kaelin's book.  
  
12> Instead of scanning barcode on book at checkout, seductively 
    licks the inside cover.  
  
11> Library only has two sections: "Limbaugh" and "Liddy."  
  
10> Inserts boudoir photos of herself in copies of Gray's Anatomy.  
  
 9> When you ask for an appendix, she winks suggestively and shows 
    you her scar.  
  
 8> Replaces the overdue book fine with canings from the "Rod of 
    Literary Tardiness".  
  
 7> Files Art Buchwald under "Humor"  
  
 6> Always doing donuts with the bookmobile in the video store 
    parking lot.  
  
 5> No matter what book you ask for, she hands you a piece of toast
    and a Q-tip.  
  
 4> Uses the "Dewer's Decimal System", which involves regular belts
    of scotch.  
  
 3> Instead of a simple "Shhhh", uses a bullhorn to say, "One more
    sound and I cap yo' ass!"  
  
 2> Flashes patrons and yells, "Hey!  Check *this* out!"  
  
  
    and the Number 1 Sign Your Librarian is Nuts...  
  
  
 1> Leans over to whisper something and bites off half of your
    right ear.  
  
  
[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
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