=========================================== CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... BLONDS ============================================ Did you hear about the two blonds who sadly froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see "Closed for the Winter" ..................... Did you hear about the near tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and twelve members of the legally blond club were stuck on the escalators for over four hours. ....................... In Vegas, a Blond walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The student looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks. Another person walks up behind the student and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The Blond spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning??" .................. A Blond stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book ..................... My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a Blond patient : She had a fly in her ear. He suggested an old home remedy. "Pour warm olive oil into your ear and lie down for a few minutes," he said. "When you lift your head the fly should emerge with the liquid." The student thought that sounded like a good idea, but she still asked, "Into which ear should I pour the oil?" ........... A Blond goes for a job interview and the interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell me your age, please?" The Blond counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, "Ehhhh ..22!" The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell me your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The Blond bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Mandy!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "Just out of curiosity, I can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing bobbing your head when I asked you your name?" "Oh that!" replies the Blond, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'" ...................... Two Blonds were walking down the road and the first says, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?" ---------------------------------------------------- thanks Budd From: CM She was Soooooooo Blonde . . * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius." She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She tripped over a cordless phone. * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." * She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." * She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She studied for a blood test. * She sold the car for gas money. * When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. * She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front." AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: She is sooooooooooooooooo BLONDE She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. ...................................... At the Garage... A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. "I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." "Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!" .................................. Helpful blond thanks Amy Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!""Dear God! Did you try to stop him?""No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!" ---------------------------------------------------- the blond goes to a football game A guy took his blonde buddy to his first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked the friend how he liked the experience. "Oh, I really like it," he replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, his friend asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!"....... HEL-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!" ---------------------------------------------------- ========================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of the materials presented here. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. ==========================30==============================