CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK .... FROM THE BOOTH ======================================================== slip ups from sports commentators 1. "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter) 2. "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing! (Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator) 3. "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him." (New Zealand rugby commentator Murray Mexted) 4. "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother." (Ted Walsh - horse racing commentator) 5. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." (Winston Bennett) 6. "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it, which is identical." (Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator) 7. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and mother." (Greg Norman) 8. "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Terry Venables - Soccer Coach) 9. "I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." (Ron Atkinson - soccer coach) 10. "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." (Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977) 11. "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field" (Metro Radio) 12. "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang in the air for even longer." (David Acfield) 13. "What will you do >when you leave football, Jack. Will you stay in football?" (Stuart Hall Radio 5 live) 14. "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class." (David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics) 15. "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them....Oh My God! What have I just said?!!!" (US PGA Commentator) 16. "For those of you who are watching in black and white, the blue is behind the brown." (Ted Lowe, Snooker commentator) 17. True story... a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked... "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" ... Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too as they were laughing so hard! ............................. thanks Brent **Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer** 1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win. 2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long. 3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record. 4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header. 5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts. 6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal. 7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere. 8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win. 9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead. 10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight. ---------------------------------------------------- ======================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of the materials presented here. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. +++++++++++++++++++++++30++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =====================2004==============================