CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... IT'S A DOG'S LIFE ===================================================== "Hello, hello?" shrilled an elderly lady's voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?" "Yes." "I want you to send somebody over here right away." "What's wrong?" "There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my poor little dog." ---------------------------------------------------- = The Little Guard Dog = There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. So the husband sent his wife to the pet store, where she said to the store clerk, "I need a good big guard dog." The store clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out of the big ones. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate." The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair!" The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then the clerk said to the dog, "Karate that table!" The dog went up to the table, broke it in half and sat on it. The wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband, who was expecting a big guard dog. He told his wife that he thought she'd gone blond, but then she explained to her husband that the Scottie knew karate. The husband responded by saying, "Karate my butt!" ---------------------------------------------------- Self-Evident Truths About Pets * Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. * Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. * Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. * Dogs shed, cats shred. * I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult? * No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does. * Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. * I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. * Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. * We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls? * Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. * When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. ---------------------------------------------------- ======================================================= Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad posts with anyone in need of a chuckle. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials contained in this post. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. --------------------------30------------------------- ====================2005==============================