CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... MILITARY LIFE ======================================================== Military Wisdom "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance. "Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." -U.S. Marine Corps "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop "If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." -Gen.Mac Arthur "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantry Journal "You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me." -U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt. "Tracers work both ways." -U.S. Army Ordnance "Five second fuses only last three seconds." -Infantry Journal "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." -U.S. Navy Swabbie "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." -David Hackworth "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -Infantry Journal "No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection." -Joe Gay "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown Marine Recruit "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." -Your Buddies "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop =========================================== After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter." ---------------------------------------------------- A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base thanks Mae A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later. As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished." Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump shit from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?" ---------------------------------------------------- ======================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of the materials presented here. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. +++++++++++++++++++++++30++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ =====================2004==============================