======================================================== CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... ONE LINERS ======================================================== thanks Ebb IDLE THOUGHTS OF THE WANDERING MIND I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. I had amnesia once--or twice. I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what? Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows up he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. What if there were no hypothetical questions? One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. When the only tool you own is a hammer; every problem begins to look like a nail. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm. My weight is perfect for my height--which varies. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. How can there be self-help "groups"? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Is it possible to be totally partial? What's another word for thesaurus? Is Marx's tomb a communist plot? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? ---------------------------------------------------- One-liners: Which is the non-smoking lifeboat? Originality is the art of concealing your sources. Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit! Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers. Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician. Contents may have settled out of court. If idiots could fly, then this would be an airport. A day without sunshine is like night. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. Would you trust a POLITICIAN to run the country? Treat each day as your last, one day you will be right. Old is always fifteen years older than I am. 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions. ======================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of the materials presented here. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. =================1996-2006========================== +++++++++++++++++++++++30++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++