========================================================= CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK ... PUNNY TALES.. GROANERS ========================================================= The story of Petey the Snake thanks Lichen Petey was a snake, only sooo big. Petey lived in a pit with his mother. One day Petey was hissing in the pit when his mother said, "Petey, don't hiss in the pit. If you must hiss, go outside the pit and hiss." Petey went outside the pit to hiss. Petey was hissing all around, when he finally leaned over a little and hissed in the pit. Petey's mother heard Petey hissing in the pit and said, "Petey, if you must hiss in the pit, go over to Mrs. Potts' pit and hiss in her pit." But Mrs. Pott was not at home, so he hissed in her pit anyway. While Petey was hissing in Mrs. Potts' pit, Mrs. Pott came home and found Petey hissing in her pit and said. "Petey, if you must hiss in a pit, don't hiss in my pit, go to your own pit and hiss." This made Petey very sad and he cried all the way home. When Petey got home, his mother saw him crying and said, "Petey, what's the matter?" Petey said, "I went over to Mrs. Potts' pit to hiss in her pit, but she was not home so I hissed in her pit anyway. Mrs. Pott then came home and found me hissing in her pit and said, "Petey if you must hiss in a pit, go to your own pit and hiss, but don't hiss in my pit." This made Petey's mother very angry. She said, "Why that mean old lady. I knew Mrs. Pott when she didn't have a pit to hiss in." ---------------------------------------------------- Thanks EBB THE TWENTY-THIRD PSALM Timmy was a little five-year-old boy whose Mom loved him very much, and being a worrier she was concerned about him walking to school when he started kindergarten. She walked him to school the first couple of days, and at the end of the week he came home and told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school every day. He protested loudly that he wanted to "be like the big boys." So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance so he probably wouldn't notice her. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed. The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?" Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is." The friend said, "Well, who is she?" "That's just Shirley Goodnest," Timmy replied, "and her daughter Marcy." "Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?" "Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the psalm it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life.' So I guess I'll just have to get used to it!" ---------------------------------------------------- Pun This guy goes into his dentist's office, because of pain in his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?" "Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it...Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I'm talking' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything...meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!" "That's probably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as though I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time." "Why chrome?" the man asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. ---------------------------------------------------- ===================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes with anyone in need of a chuckle. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials contained on this page. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. ==================1996-2006============================= +++++++++++++++++++30++++++++++++++++++++++