========================================================= CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK ... PUN-LINERS ========================================================= Puns For Fun thanks jpchris Puns for fun: . A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. . A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. . A hangover is the wrath of grapes. . A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. . A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. . A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. . A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. . A plateau is a high form of flattery. . Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. . Corduroy pillows are making headlines. . Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. . Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. . Acupuncture is a jab well done. . Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. . Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. . Every calendar's days are numbered. . Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. . Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? . Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? . What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) . Sea captains don't like crew cuts. . A backward poet writes inverse. . Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. . Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. . Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. . If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. . When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. . When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. . When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. . When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. . Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. . With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. . Without geometry, life is pointless. . A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. . A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. . A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. . In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your Count votes. . A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. . Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. . I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. . She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. . He had a photographic memory that was never developed. . Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. . You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. . He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. . The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. . A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart. . Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. . Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall. . The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. . The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself. . Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. . Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. ---------------------------------------------------- thanks Budd & MR FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS) 1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism, it's your count that votes. 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. 11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. 13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. 16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 17. Every calendar's days are numbered. 18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine. 19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 21. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. 27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 29. Acupuncture is a jab well done. 30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat ---------------------------------------------------- ===================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes with anyone in need of a chuckle. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials contained on this page. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. =================1996-2006=============================== +++++++++++++++++++30++++++++++++++++++++++++