========================================================= CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... SEX-RATED ========================================================= Thanks Budd *********** Just like a woman! From: KS Harry is getting along in years and though he still can go hiking and backpacking, he finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. "But be warned, It will not work again for another year! " Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers with the powder. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123;" and suddenly he becomes more aroused than anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had promised. His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, "What the hell did you say 123 for?" .......................... Thanks Budd *********** A Quickie From: DK John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted. A few moments passed. "An ambulance just drove by!" A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company" he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike." "The Coopers are having sex!!" Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!! Dad cautiously asked "How do you know they are having sex??" "Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony too." .......................................... Thanks Budd *********** Hookers From: KS A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. "Mom," said the little boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," She replied. The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative. After a few minutes, the boy asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?" "Most of them are cab drivers" she said. ....................................... Thanks Budd *********** What a Coincidence From:KS A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating, too." She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said. ---------------------------------------------------- visit to the dentist thanks Budd & KS A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes." The man grabs the doc's arm, "No way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!" So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas." The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas." So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill." The man asks "What is it?" The doc replies, "Viagra." The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks. "No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!" ---------------------------------------------------- thanks Budd FOLLOWING DOCTORS ADVICE A man is having trouble with premature ejaculation so decides to go to the doctors for help. The doctor suggests "When you feel like you are ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." Later that day he went to the store and bought a starter pistol. All excited to try it out he runs home to his wife. He finds herin bed naked waiting for him. They get down to action and soon find themselves in the 69 position. Moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol. Next day when the man went back to the doctors and was asked how it went he answered. "Not that well, when I fired the pistol my wife bit three inches off my penis, and my next door neighbor came out of the wardrobe with his hands in the air." ---------------------------------------------------- thanks jpchris Sex Therapy A couple, both ages 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" `The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment; have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. Do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare." ---------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------- Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh. ===================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad posts with anyone in need of a chuckle. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials contained in this post. 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