CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD ARCHIVES.... SOCCER GAMES ================================================ thanks Brent **Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer** 1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win. 2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long. 3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record. 4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header. 5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts. 6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal. 7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere. 8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win. 9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead. 10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight. ---------------------------------------------------- thanks Andreia A Sunday league soccer team is desperate for players - so desperate in fact, that they are forced to play a chicken. Rather surprisingly, the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off the line, the next it's putting in a perfect cross. At half time all it's team mates are delighted and they eagerly return to the pitch for the second half. On the way back the ref starts chatting with the chicken. "Great first half mate. You must be really fit," he says. "Thanks" says the chicken. "I try to keep myself trim, but it is difficult getting in a gym session before work." "What do you do?" asks the ref. "I'm an accountant," replies the chicken. Immediately the ref brandishes the red card and sends the chicken off. The team mates gather round the ref to protest against the sending off. "Sorry lads" says the ref. "I had no choice. Wait for it............ Professional fowl !!" ---------------------------------------------------- ================================================ Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad posts with anyone in need of a chuckle. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials contained in this post. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. --------------------------30------------------------- =====================================================