CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... JUST FOR AMERICANS
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Montana Quarters
thanks Budd
From: KS
 
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Hang on to any of the new State of Montana quarters.
If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S.
Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Montana quarters
that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
 
"We are recalling all the new Montana quarters that were recently issued",
Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. This action is being
taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in
parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other
coin-operated devices.
 
"The problem lies in the unique design of the Montana quarter, which was
created by a Montana State University graduate", Shackleford said.
Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together
keeps jamming the coin-operated devices.
 
This had to be written by a graduate of the U at Missoula.  Budd 
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thanks Budd & KS

 Rednecks' Code of Conduct

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. It's tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to drive
the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly
so as not to "bruise" the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with both hands.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2.Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners
are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in
private, using
one's OWN truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as they detract from
a woman's
jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested:"I've been wanting to go
out
with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall 2 years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will
say
10:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's
the man's
responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the
movie
has ended.
 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they
can't hear you.

WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a
clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's loaded
and the deer's in sight.
2. When approaching a 4-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. Don't burn rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
5. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it's impolite to
ask her to bring back beer, too.
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