The point about Chilli-Cheeze Burritos that their
manufacturers and marketing branches thereof often overlook is the
fact that ANYONE can eat one, regardless of age (excepting the very
young and some of the frailer of the elderly), sex, religion, race,
hair-colour, personal style, ambiance, or preference in chandelier
styles.
In this respect, Chilli-Cheeze Burritos are much like the
Church of MOO. Anyone can be a MOOist. Even fictional people can
be MOOists, just as even fictional people can eat Chilli-Cheeze
Burritos.
True, most of the time, imaginary or fictional people eat only
imaginary or fictional burritos, but there have been cases in which
the absent nature of specific non-imaginary, perfectly solid
burritos has been attributed to people later discovered to be
totally imaginary. Thus the divine nature of burritos is
demonstrated. The Church of MOO is just like this. Even unreal
people can be real members of it. The fictional character Floyd
Gecko climbed the ladder of MOO to become a High Preest before they
discovered that he didn't even exist.
It should be noted, of course, that he ate many a Chilli-
Cheeze Burrito along this path to glory, an example which should
serve as a reminder to the youth of today that there's no such
thing as TOO MANY Chilli-Cheeze Burritos, and even if there were,
TOO MUCH IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOT ENOUGH!
Another thing rather like a Chilli-Cheeze Burrito in this
respect is the phenomenon of Collective People. Collective People
are people who might or might not exist, depending on whether
anyone else is being them at the time. Confuse-Ius might or might
not exist, depending on whether anyone chooses at that time to be
that person. Similarly, a Chilli-Cheeze Burrito might or might not
be eaten at any given time, depending on whether some particular,
specific person happens to be hungry for it at the time, and has
access to that particular Burrito.
But all this is more or less irrelevant to the main point
about Chilli-Cheeze Burritos. Consider the Scribings Of The Hound
(17:12), wherein it says something not totally unlike the
following:
"When they finally dropped the bomb, a radioactive mushroom
cloud rose high above the city. The deaths numbered in the
millions, and many a Chilli-Cheese Burrito was burned to a crisp. Needless to say, Homer Simpson was not impressed."
This is, of course, a veiled reference to the mysterious
Burrito Wars of 2138. These have been revealed to certain selected
seers and prophets, and the strange and bizzarre things they have
seen are too horrifying for mere mortal minds to comprehend. It is
not clear what, if anything, caused the Burrito Wars, or who the
various sides were which got involved, or what they were fighting
about, or indeed what they were fighting with.
What is clear is that the root cause, far, far, far back in
the mists of time, was an industrial accident which was codenamed
Burrito-12 by the Pentagon officials who tried to turn it into a
superweapon.
The Burrito Wars are secret matters not to be discussed in
public: the great secret of their existence lies deep in nested
codes within the pages of the secret text 'The Book Of Stuff' which
lies in the imaginary Mauve Room of the equally fictional MOO
Headquarters in Ottawa. In this secret and hard-to-reach place, it
was hoped, this book could be hidden safely with its veiled secrets
of the Burrito Wars. Selected extracts from the Book Of Stuff
appear in both TastyMints of the Grate Book Of MOO.
Speaking of Mints and Wars, it's probably appropos here to
tell you a little bit about the famed BreathMint/CandyMint wars
which ravaged east Asia in the Wombat World.
But we're not going to, because they were pretty pointless.