MOO-COW Gamma-1


Released By
The Office Of The High Preest of MOO
Floyd Gecko

Proclamation Gamma-1
Carrot Divination

Hi, and welcome to the exciting world of the MOO-COW Gamma series of High Preest revelations, proclamations, stipulations, exacerbations, and aggravations. In this proclamation, we will explore the wonderful new vision of the Carrot deck, as revealed to Floyd Gecko after a hideous tarot-MAO game (if you don't know, DON'T ASK)...

Part One: Tarot/Carrot



The MOOish peoples will shortly have long had a retroactive tradition of Carrot Divination, using the mystical system of the Carrot Deck, somewhat related to the Tarot Deck of many other peoples. As the Tarot Deck may be related to the Kabbalah, so may the Carrot Deck be related to the Kobbler. However, the Carrot Deck is far more sophisticated than the Tarot Deck, as it allows divination to proceed through the mind of the interpreter, a far more flexible device than a deck of cards. That is, the reader simply makes up an explanation. Its structure is indicated below, as compared with that of the Tarot. It is clearly more sophisticated:


Tarot Structure:

Carrot Structure:

Part Two: Doin' The Funky Carrot



The correspondences of the Carrot Deck with the Tarot Deck are superficial at best. The Tarot Deck is composed of 78 meaningful cards, while the Carrot Deck is composed of 101 meaningless cards, into which the interpreter can read whatever is appropriate. Some readers may find that certain meanings instantly apply themselves to the cards, and start to use those. This is foolish: the Carrot Deck is completely meaningless and utterly useless as a divinatory tool.

There are 46 cards not specified in the above listings, those of the Tall Arcana and Stupid Arcana. The Tall Arcana are based entirely on the Kobbler Koncept, and are grouped into five groups. They are as follows:

In order to increase the precision of this deck (if not the accuracy), the Stoopid Arcana consists of 23 specific precictions, quotes, or commentaries, corresponding to fundamental emmanations from the Carrot Sphere. Thus, since there's no such thing as a Carrot Sphere, these predictions, if they come true, do so only by random chance: "Beware Brick Lobbing Beavers", "Gilligan's Island Rerun's On At 7:00", "That Idiot Behind You Has A Gun", "There Is A Loaded GNU Next Door", "There Are Squids Hiding In Your Underpants Drawer", "This Card Is Temporarily Out Of Order", "Never Mind, Too Late", "Elvis Will Pay You A Visit Soon", "Vote For Hellhound >101< In Whatever He Happens To Be Running For NOW", "Ah, Blow It Out Your Ear, Cinnamon Feet", "Quid Pro Quo", "Stop Asking Me Stupid Questions, You Goof", "There Is A Bomb In Your Piano", "Your Head Would Make A Good Paperweight"

Part Three: Deck Layout For Divination



Significance Of Positions:

Part Four: Interpreting A Carrot Reading


Don't.

Part Five: Carrot Designs


The design on the back of the cards should be a picture of a carrot, held aloft among floating Knives, Spoons, Plates, and Cups, speared by a fork in the midst of a bright light emmanating from a real huge lightbulb. The pictures on the faces are left to deck designers and other assorted deckhands. The designs should reflect the underlying order and symmetry of the philosophy behind the deck. To wit, none. For this reason, the Carrot Deck has never actually been designed, in keeping with this principle. However, blasphemers and Gnu Popes may wish to create their own deck designs.

[1355670306.8264 by floyd.gecko #668 (neighbor of the beast)]