The Most Holier-Than-Thou Church Of The Grate MOO is not a disorganization without its enemies. These enemies should be known, so that you may recognize and avoid them. So here is what Alien Mind Control Satelites have allowed us to remember:

• The Conspiracy is an organization founded by J.R. "BOB" Dobbs in 1953. In that time, this infectious mind-parasite has spread to the crania of almost everyone in a position of power, all world banks, religious leaders, people with substantial money, power, or other form of influence, and indeed anyone who isn't in the Church Of MOO and subject to the Brainwashing Council's deprogramming regime. This is a small branch of...
• The Illuminati is an alien takeover task force masquerading as a harmless mystical/religious organization. The aliens have total control over The Conspiracy, which is a purely human organization. The Symbol of The Illuminati is the famous Eye-In-Pyramid, which is visible in the most central Conspiracy groups such as the Freemasons and the United States Government. Curiously, the Masons, Illuminati Pawns though they are, use the Halfy in their Royal Arch Cipher (Ineffable Alphabet) to represent the letter "W". This is the first letter in "WOMBAT". The Illuminati, however, are themselves but pawns in the struggle for our minds (and mints), and report directly to...
• The CapriCancers are a group of Anti-MOOist activBLATTTs led by Capricious Cancerous, a spam-based lifeform from the galaxy Andromeda. Caprious Cancerous has created this group for the sole purpose of suppressing the arisal of the Church Of MOO on Earth, where it might interfere with his eventual plans for takeover. In the crash landing of his flying saucer, his mind control (and mint control) gear was rather badly damaged, and he has as yet been unable to take full control of the minds and mints of all humans, as is his enventual plans. The master of the CapriCancers is...
• W.O.M.B.A.T. (which stands for something unrevealed) is a massive computer, and is so powerfully active in the mind-control business that the Church of MOO doesn't even believe it exBLATTTs, but is merely throwing in this entry as a joke, permitted by a WOMBAT subprogram allowing for gradual integration into society. 97% of the time, all MOOists believe that WOMBAT is actually a supercomputer used in MOOish astrological calculations in combatting the CapriCancers. The other 3% of the time they believe it's a supercomputer which they use to control the minds of all humans. WOMBAT was built and controlled by...
• The X-BLATTTs are a race of beings from Planet X, and are closely allied with J.R. "BOB" Dobbs. Their operations in this sector of the Galaxy are closely monitored by the Intergalactic Chapter of the Church Of MOO, but they are far too powerful to be directly combatted. This race is one of many powerful...
• Aliens using mind control satelites to control human brains. Fortunately, these generally tend to cancel each other out. This is largely on purpose, as coalitions form to prevent others from gaining control. Their only common purpose, except for twelve races generally considered to be allied with humans, is to prevent us from discovering their presense. They combine together to make us ignore their Flying Saucers, or else discount them as hallucination. This has so warped our worldview, because of the tremendous evidence available, that our very defintion of "evidence" has been almost destroyed. They are operated by...
• Mindworms: tools used against the aliens with mind control satelites, immune to mind-control. A lethal combination of chemical agents, DNA-modifying bacteria, memetic belief packages and a psychic worm which nests in the brain, they render themselves psychically invisible to anyone looking for them, and have been used to cause such social illnesses as Democracy, LibertarianBLATT, and other left-wing rubbish. They were constructed by...
• Things From Pods, the spawn of an alien parasite which infests the human body, corrupting it from the inside out. They are actually parasitic RELIGIONS, which cause the brain to secrete certain RNA sequences of belief-chemicals, which then form into viruses specifically tailored to the individual (since made from their brain cells), creating a podlike seed in the stomach, which grows, until the individual is a hollow shell around the growing embryo. In the final stages, the entity emerges, devours the original body and assumes its form, and begins spouting religious nonsense, infecting more people with the seed. Lloyd Taco, an experimental clone of Floyd Gecko, was corrupted by this process. The Things From Pods were an experiment by...
• Time Travellers who return from the transcendent postbiological human future, and have been observed to attempt to alter hBLATTTory so as to remove the Church of MOO, which apparently produced and released some kind of mind plague in 2516, causing riot-wars which nearly destroyed the solar system. These Time Travellers have continually revised MOOist hBLATTTory, which was originally an ancient and well-established Atlantean Sect. Their most blatant act was genetically engineering a Great Big Thing, which destroyed Atlantis. After they removed Atlantis from history, MOOism spontaneously revived in North Africa, and they replaced this civilization with what we now call Egypt. Their changes to history forced us to become "modern". Our True History is recorded only in this book.
• Gecko Clones are a hideously malformed race of beings, of which there are somewhere near 500 thousand on this planet, each of which is a genetic copy of Floyd Gecko, carrying a secret Gene Plague which warps his mind, causing each of these clones to betray the human race. This is the horrifying result of an attempt to genetically engineer the "PERFECT" human from an inferior sample. These clones are also under the control of the brain lords of CapriCancer and of Quintozextotillion. Almost half have succumbed to the Things From Pods, whose memetic patterns have infected the computer cores of many CapriCancer satellites, which means that a great many Things From Pods are also CapriCancers.
• The Easter Bunny is a mystical entity who travels the ley-lines (electromagnetic flux vortices in the low-density plasma captured by the Earth's magnetic field) wreaking havoc among MOOists. This is made worse by the fact that certain naive MOOists have assumed that the Easter Bunny is some form of deity. As it turns out, it is actually an ancient Atlantean Artefact left behind by devotees of QUACK, in those days a dour enemy of the Church Of MOO. It appears to have the ability to cause local increases in entropy, using a device discovered by the Atlanteans in the Gobi Desert, left there by time-travelling time-travellers who had, surprisingly, travelled in time to get there, after exploring the wreck of the famous spacecraft OTRA in a distant nebula. These local increases in entropy cause such things as mess, headaches, and confusion. The Easter Bunny is the true identity of...
• Confuse-Ius, originally a meme package created by I Yemen-Oying and Floyd Gecko, evolved, being used by the Easter Bunny as a template for a negentropic pattern on the Earth's plasma shields. This pattern was absorbed by several Mindworm Control stations in Bolivia and sent out to over 6025 Mindworms, infesting the brains of not only all major MOOists, but thousands of other people as well.
• The Councils Of MOO, a hideously powerful organization which seeks to thwart the Church of MOO by undermining us, by the acts of infiltration and defamation. They are a gang of thugs, headed by the groups of evil Confuse-Ii and Brian O'Blivioi who have perpetrated so many confusing crimes against humanity that we lost count at 43 456 908. The Councils, whose brainwashing purpose is expressly written in their charter, have gone so far as to begin converting reasonably innocent MOOists to their cause, and make them act fanatical, offering some strange rationale for this, which only discredits our perfectly sane Church.
• The Church OF MOO is a warped and distorted religion, apparently inspired by an evil being known as "Yari", possibly a fiction of the Easter Bunny. This sinister force has infiltrated the Church of MOO in an attempt to co-opt the upper echelons and turn us over to the Illuminati. It is responsible for the evil "Psychick Halfy", which is a tool used to warp your brain.